So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
