Jerry, you need to find god
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
