Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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