I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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