Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
