Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
