So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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