I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
