if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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