i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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