Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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