So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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