Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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