I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
