How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
