her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
