I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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