In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
