the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
