I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's never too late to be topless.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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