I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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