Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
