I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
