Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
