The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
