The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
