I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
