You're my little dorito
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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