Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
