I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
