she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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