apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Congratulations! We have a period
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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