I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
