Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
