i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
