apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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