I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
