I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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