Fuck appropriateness.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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