Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
