Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
