i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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