I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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