Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
