Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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