I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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