So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
