She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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