dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
