why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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