How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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