on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
