there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
