worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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