keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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